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The Tavern: A Recollection of Funny Ale Stories
drplat
Hello all, this is Brewer Petyr. As we all have found out, some of life's funniest moments are accompanied by alcohol. As a well-known  brewer, tavern owner, and merchant, I have had my fair share of these. I hope that you enjoy. Chapter 1 - Tom All of those who frequent AlKhazar know of Drunken Tom. Most do not know of him before he was an alcoholic, however... I cannot say I knew him before he was an alcoholic either. Even the first time he came to the Cat and the Fiddle, he was inebriated! There are many memories of Tom, but my favorite would be the time he brought a woman. I do not know whether the woman was there out of love or out of pay, but I would guess the se cond. Well, like most nights, Tom had a bit too much ale. He started talking about the woman's sister, who he'd apparently bedded. The woman took her pitcher and smashed it in his face! only the Wizard knows how much prayer the monks needed to fix him up! And the worst part? She never compensated me for the glass! Chapter 2 - The Book-Owner I will not mention the name of this bloke, for he might be embarrassed. however, he is very inolved with books. He frequents the tavern often, and I know him well. He'd always been a bit prone to over-drinking, but one night, he went far. His speech was incomprehensible! He could hardly stand! I seated him down for a while, and he ended up passing out! THankfully no guards were there to arrest him for drinking past the legal limit. Chapter 3 - The Ghost Did you know that spirits drink? I didn'! I did know I enjoy drinking spirits,... Well one night, a ghost, right before my eyes, materializes and asks for two ales! It was nasty watching the ale drip through his transparent body. Yet, if one pays, who am I to refuse? I believe he stole the cup as well.. I will haunt him until I receive that. Chapter 4 - The Dward and the Guard Dwarves are drinkers. We all know that. However, something about the military turns a man into a drinker as well. The inevitable result is a drinking contest between a Dwarf and an Oren Guard. I remember not who initiated the conteset, but I damn well remember the end! It had been about twelve glasses of AppleAle each, my most potent brew. Both were on the verge of passing out, but both determined. At that point, I was handing away the beer, for it was so entertaining. As they were drinking the thirteenth, a most surprising occurence occured. An orc shaman walks in and order fifteen AppleAles! He drank all of them within five minutes. After watching him, both the dwarf and the guard passed out! Fifteen AppleAles should incapacitate the normal man. The moral: Don't challenge the shamans! Chapter 5 - The Wizard of Aegis walks in and orders........ nay, best I don't tell this story ! I hope you found this delightfully entertaining. I enjoyed writing it, and look forward to more stories in the future! Copyrighted by Brewer Petyr.