2372
The dream.
GuhdarN
I am dazed by this dream... I'm writing now just minutes after I awakened by a huge bang on the lowest floor, probably the door. But when I looked out of my window to see where the moon was I saw someone not far away from my neighbor's house. His face was hidden by his hood. He glared at me, these seconds felt like minutes... Eventually he turned his back and he disappeared in the alley. :: The dream, it was a nightmare about... My father. :: It was just like when it happened... When I killed him. I had no clue that it was a dream at that time. But I saw the dream outside of my head, as if I was an observer... Like a spirit. :: I could see myself awakened by the screams of my defenseless brother in the dining room. :: :: I was able to follow myself, I saw how I was thinking how I would put a stop to this. I saw in my dream how I took a large burning piece of wood from the fireplace, and how I thought that this was the best idea to end this never ending beatings by our father. :: :: I did not even spoke a word. Though it looked like the real me saw how I watched the event. It felt like "he" was looking for eye contact with my "spiritual me" and when he got it. He nodded... :: :: I was standing in the doorway when I watched this event that happened many decades ago. I had repressed it, also my mind was playing with my memories for some reason, I forget things easier. But now after this dream, I remember the death of my father like it happened yesterday. :: :: I could see myself beating him in the back of his head... Repeatedly. He did not even see who was hitting him. :: I kept hitting him with the wood, even when he was lying down... Lifeless. Until my brother shouted with verge of tears that I would stop. :: :: As I remember my father, he was a very large orc, nearly four heads both longer and wider than me. And that he did not care about no one except himself. But after an entire childhood with beating his children and sometimes worse than "just" beating. Maybe he was worth such a deat? :: My real me said load that "Finally dis iz ohver!". Thereafter he turned to my "spiritual me" and gave me a look, a look that was peaceful, eyes that smiles. I felt that I recognized those eyes, as if it was a different person...? :: :: While I wrote the last sentence, I shivered. Felt like that my spine become as cold as a gust from the wind of the Snowy Fields...