3561
The Single Dwarf
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There once was a young dwarf. Much different from other dwarves. :: Different, you say? Was he not as loud, smelly and abhorring as other dwarves? :: Oh No, my friends, of course he was. This dwarf was different because he yearned for a human bride. :: But of course, all the humans in the land, when seeing him, were utterly cast off by the dwarf's gross appearance. His beard and stench of ale. And no girl would touch him with anything less than a iron shovel. :: The dwarf was heartbroken. Would he never find love? :: But, coming across the noticeboard one day, he saw a poster. The Duke was holding a grand tournaments for all warriors across the land. And as a grand prize, his daughter would give to the winner her hand in holy matrimony. :: The dwarf was exalted! And he rushed to his cave to find his warhammer, ensuring it was as blunt as he was. :: The day of the tournament arrived, and as the dwarf laid eyes on the damsel, he was utterly swept away by her breathtaking appearance. Her radiance 'dwarved' him, you might say. :: In turn, the daughter was fully repulsed by him, and begged and prayed that this dreadful being would not win. But the dwarf, trained in countless tavern brawls and street fights , is a formidable fighter and, though you think he could not reach, crushes every contenders skull with his hammer. In the end, only he and one other remained. :: The damsel begs her father to call the tournament off, but a Duke must always keep to his word. :: But he changes the finale to a jousting match, and make competitors ride horses. Of course, dwarves are utterly afraid of horses, and never care to ride them. Looking one into its eyes, so hairy and smelly and idiotic, reminds dwarves too much of themselves. :: The dwarf was crushed. Would he never lay his putrd, beer-drenched lips on her fair skin? :: Yes, he would! :: From the all the gold he found grubbing through the stone, he bought the finest horse in all of Oren . :: For days, you could heard his angry gruffs as attempted to mount the horse, who threw him off best as it could. :: But the dwarf persevered. In the finale, the dwarf rode out to his contender, and pierced his lance right through his chest, then hammered his ribs for good measure. :: He rode to the box where the damsel was, and called to her: 'I vanquished these many warriors so you may be mine! I am the winner! Kiss me, my fair lady!' :: The daughter was about to cry in the prospect she would have to kiss the dwarf. :: But then, she smiled :: A wide, wide smile as an idea struck her. :: 'Winner?' She said. 'My good sir, I must be severely mistaken if I don't see two winners before me today.' :: 'You, and the brave creature that carried you' :: 'And if I must choose between you and the horse ... I choose the horse!' :: And so the damsel and the horse stepped before God to join in holy matrimony. The land revelled at this noble wedding, overjoyed it would not be a dwarf to rule them. :: The dwarf returned home, drunk himself into a stupor and jumped of a cliff.