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Josiah's Mysterious Notebook
JoeqMafia
It has been 1 week since the battle at Aegis. Ever since then I have been having these feelings. I have decided to write down my feelings to try to flush it out. Psiop says I used to write alot before my memory was wiped. I guess it was soothing. I keep on getting these visions of a party. And I am there but only as a baby. This vision is beutiful. But it slowly molds into the event at the Cloud Temple. The dancers turn into soldiers burning alive in the fire, the women begin to scream, the food turns into blood and guts that stains the grass, and the grass is a bloody rock. That burns your feet to a crisp. The baby version of me transforms into a man, a shady man. He is wearing a hood. He is killing those around him. He is powerful and strong,. He wields the strongest of swords. But he kills all in his way. He slashes women in the face, and impales the soldiers. He walks up to me and I am afraid. Then I see. This hooded man is me. I pull down my hood and so does the man in front of me. We are the same person. His face is ugly and covered with blood. He has power and he get's what he wants, I can tell it pulses off of his body , like an magical force is around him. Then the vision ends. :: 1 1/2 weeks after the battle :: I am cold and tired all the time. I try to go out and talk to my friends but I cannot. I feel like I am a failure. I have nver won and never will. I feel powerless and depressed. The visions are coming on an hourly basis. Every time I am frighten. Knowing that they will come again. I almost want to stop them by doing the one thing I can do. Suicide. It will be quick. Just one slice with the sword. But I cannot. I want to be strong. I want to be powerful. I thirst for a kill, and I am hungry for death. :: 2 weeks :: I feel better, and satisfied. I captured a pig. He oinked and squealed and tried to escape me. I felt powerful. I felt significant. But instead of killing it I tied it up to the wall and took the utensils from my diner and stuck it into its stomach. It tried to free it self, but it could not. I laughed at it. I felt great and I need more. The torturing is what I always needed. The times I was tortured by those men. The lashed at me. I didn't know why. Now I do. :: 3 weeks :: People are noticing the absences of pigs and me. The people need me but when I try to help others it pains me. I feel like a tumor in my head is stopping me from doing what I do best. :: *the rest of the pages are torn out and covered with blood.